HAPPY NEW YEAR! I am sitting here realizing that its 2011 and the unlimited potential this year has!
This blog may not necessarily end up about dreadlocks. Just fyi.
I have noticed SO many people posting on fb that they are ALREADY disappointed with 2011. It makes me laugh because the new year changing...it's just another day. I mean it cannot say to itself, "Day, let's do something magnificent.". Nope, that is YOUR choice. If you want to have a better 2011, then what are you willing to give up or learn to make it a better year?
I know people (and I admit to having been one of them) that just couldn't do things without someone else, had to have LOTS of people around to be happy and didn't really appreciate myself enough to enjoy me time. People always tell me I'm the most positive person they've ever met. That makes me wonder why. I mean, it's not THAT hard to tell someone good things about themselves or encourage others to be better or to just avoid negativity.
I did a serious inventory of my life after my relationship ended with Marshawn. I was a mess. Given, it was an abusive relationship...still, I KNEW I was gonna need some time to get back to the Betsy I was. Then a lightbulb went off. Why do I have to be the same old Betsy? I mean, if I'm gonna change, why not change all of me? Who said I had to stay how I was? And who said that I had to have all the same friends? The friends of mine that caused drama, turmoil, stress, headaches in my life...well, I've said goodbye and thank you to all of them. I used to watch Young and the Restless daily. I even would dvr it. It was something I shared with late Grandpa Art. After he passed, Grandma Ellie and I kept asking ourselves, "It's the same story line recycled, why do we watch this show?". Well, I decided that it was too much garbage in. No one on that show portrays a healthy relationship, everyone is OVERLY demented and its always someone else sleeping with someone else's husband. It's just plain garbage. I stopped watching it. Family members (this one has proven to be a bit more tricky but I am doing it.) were in the same boat. Some people in the family NEVER respond to anything yet they expect you to be there for Christmas so they can give the appearance of being better or more loved. And then the promise to keep in touch...it lasts for about a few weeks and then you are back trying to have a relationship with family. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. But why should I sit there and ware myself out for no good reason? I have had several family members reach out this last year and honestly, it has been wonderful. Mainly thanks to fb where you cannot HELP but be connected.
But any relationship is better than none....right?
WRONG!
I would rather be alone (although I am never really alone as I have God!) than have friends/family that tear me down, are negative to me or take advantage of my HUGE heart.
So how can YOU make the switch from an unhealthy life to one that has great meaning and purpose? Well, God. He's the main constant in my life. Without Him, I am nothing. For those of you that aren't into the whole God thing ... there are still things you can do to help yourself out!
Take a hard look at your life and who you surround yourself with. I know someone that I thought I was friends with until yesterday. Her comment was something like "i keep people at a distance and don't let them get close so I cannot get hurt.". YIKES! So am I not considered a friend even though every time we are online together we talk, we talk at church, birthday parties etc. I would be so sad if I didn't have my close friends. I rely on them as much as they rely on me. It doesn't take much to re-evaluate your friendships. It's what to do when you have identified the bad apples.
How did I do it? I started slowly. Those that kept calling and asking for a favor, the answer turned into NO. When they finally had been turned down several times, they asked why. When my response is that I felt like they were taking advantage of me it caused a small pause. Some hung up on me never to be heard from again, some apologized and said they would try better (And some of them actually followed through with that!). It was hard to grieve friendships that were years old. But I would rejoice in the fact that I would have less drama.
Another HUGE change I made....I have a rather bad potty mouth. I admit it. It can be so bad sometimes. One of my FAVORITE kids in the world's favorite song is "give you hell". When I asked him why, he said "because I can say HELL and mom won't get mad". It made me do some thinking about what we put into our kids. (i'm not saying that parent is a bad parent. she's one of my closest friends. just using this one statement to prove a point.) I stopped listening to mainstream radio. I was sick of everything being overtly sexual and sneaky. What 10 year old REALLY knows the meaning of "i wanna lick your candy stick"? (sorry for those that offends) But let's get real for a moment. If they hear it, sing it and figure out the meaning...are they to think that the behavior is ok for their age? This past New Year's Eve bash in NC someone had their ipod on shuffle. I mean, some REALLY great songs came out. Bad Bad Leroy Brown, Touch of Grey, Bohemian Rhapsody...just to name a few. There were a few tweenagers and they were singing and dancing and it was fun....then I realized my son didn't know most of the tunes that were being played. (luckily he DID know bohemian rhapsody....it would be an epic fail as a parent if he was THAT clueless.) And I felt sad for a moment because he couldn't enjoy it like we were...then I realized I was thankful. Not that music is evil or whatever. But if you sing and sing and sing it...it becomes more acceptable and then other artists / lyricists can take the boundary further...at first, there is shock....then over time it's more acceptable. I keep pandora on the John Denver station or listen to Klove in the car. Honestly, hearing my son sing Robin Mark or Paul Baloche or Audio A....just makes my heart happy.
To bring this into the dreadlock world for a moment. I used Dreadheadhq products in my hair to get locs that I am BEYOND in love with! There are people out there that scare others into thinking products will ruin your locs or tell you synthetic dreadlocks are fake. Come on. There aren't THAT many folks with dreadlocks. Give up the bickering and just LOVE and accept each other. Your dreadlocks aren't any better than mine due to the method you used. They are still just dreadlocks. To some it's a spiritual journey, for some it's just a hair style. Either way, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. Don't use product because there is SLS or SLES...it causes CANCER. well, let's get real for a moment. Almost everyone washes their hair with shampoo. FACT. Most every shampoo has SLS or SLES. FACT. How many cases of skin cancer from the scalp are there? Don't have an answer? Neither do I. WHY? Because the minute traces of SLS or SLES in shampoo isn't enough to cause cancer. You can get it from EVERYTHING. Cancer is an unhealthy cell. People are quick to go to McDonalds or Sonic (Etc) for a quick meal. Those meals are (although sometimes they taste good) BAD for you. A poor diet doesn't produce healthy cells...and therefore you get cancer. So can I make the deduction McDonald's gives you cancer? I guess if you are following the SLS-SLES mindset...the answer is yes. Drop the stigma and just LOVE your fellow dreadhead.
For those of you on this journey with me, thank you. It means a lot to me to have such amazing people in my life. I promise to encourage you, push you to be better and to simply love you unconditionally. That is just how I am.
If the rest of the world took the time to re-evaluate their life and to put more positive practices into play, then complaining 4 days into a fresh start wouldn't be happening. I CHOOSE HAPPINESS and POSITIVE thinking...as opposed to the other.
Care to join me in this new adventure?
Peace LOVE and locs,
(the new and improved)
BETSEH
12/6/09 Day 1 with Dreadlocks
12/6/10 Day 356 with Dreadlocks
So it's been a FULL YEAR! I just am at a loss for words.
When I started on this journey, I had NO idea really what to expect except that I would have dreadlocks. Never expected to learn about patience, forgiveness, God's grace / love / humility, friendship, effects of negativity and did I yet mention patience? I have gained some powerful and amazing friends along this journey and to each of you (you know who you are) I am humbled to share this experience with you and looking forward to the next year!
If you would have told me 10 years ago (shoot even a year ago) that I would be making a living on doing dreadlock work and helping others on their journey, I probably would have laughed at ya. I mean, lets be honest. I would have never expected to travel as far as Ohio (to the west), Ct (to the east) and SC (to the south) all in the name of dreadlocks! I would have never expected to open a studio and a second location in Jacksonville, FL...and then a third in Denmark all within 6 months! Knotted By Knature, although still needing a website...i am just not creative enough to make one....is booming and it feels great! I feel confident that the people that are working with me actually KNOW what they are doing and can help people with the correct information. It's just amazing. And knowing that I am able to help more people then just those that want maintenance or dreadlock work...I am able to have products from others in the dreadlock community for sale in the store front we will have in January in Jacksonville!
I've always been the girl that fits into most any clique as I get along with almost everyone. I don't care what you have or don't have...I care about your heart. And I think that is the right way to be. The ironic thing is...I feel like I have found a community that is as loving as my church community. Between my family at Christ Community UMC and the Dreadheadhq Community...the amount of love, respect and positiveness that come with them...I am just uber blessed. Words just cannot even begin to describe this. I pray that everyone reading this can find a place that just accepts them for themselves and unconditionally loves you.
Please, don't get me wrong, it's now all daisies and strawberries...there have been bumps and there will ALWAYS be bumps. You stand up, brush yourself off, thank the God the Creator for the chance to learn valuable lessons and walk forward onto your next adventure.
I feel this blog is going to be turning into more of what I am learning in doing all this dreadlock stuff than anything. I have taken some calls for Dreadheadhq that STILL are with me and I will need to blog about. This will include (with people's permission) pictures and such. I would be VERY interested in knowing (feel free to comment on this so I can keep it all in one place) why YOU got your dreadlocks and what YOU have learned. It doesn't have to be anything profound or whatver...sometimes the simplest things ARE the most profound.
So here is to another 365 days where we can all grow together in knowledge and wisdom and love. I will be making a more conscious effort to blog more often. I am sorry that I have slacked GREATLY in this area. I would like Tuesdays to be the day that I blog as it will be right after the live chats I host (www.tinychat.com/dreadheadhqlive) on Monday nights!
Here are some of the people I would like to thank...no particular order...and if I leave anyone out, I apologize from the depths of my soul!
My son Noah, Michelle McAlhaney, Dreadheadhq (Jonny and Sloan), John (H.) Dreadman - Kobb, Dustin Camper, Amy Schile (and Phoenix for all the kisses!), Jennifer Rose, Violet LeHew-Fletcher, Jason Robinson (and Aurora for being so darn cute!), Toni Rase, Mikkel Kirketerp, Kate Kamphausen, Luz Williams / Junglemama, Melisa Sword, Beth Laquay, Alyssa Beardsley, Beatlebaby Glassworks, Preach Freedom and the countless others that have given support and encouragement. I really wouldn't be here without you!
Peace, Love and Locs,
Betseh the Crazy Salt Lady!
