i will soar

i am due to blog but everything going on around me is making it more difficult for me to get my feelings into words.

this past week my son celebrated his 11th birthday. gosh, every year i feel a bit more old. i surprised him with having the woodside's and tyler's over to celebrate. made his favorite mac and cheese and had a peanut butter/chocolate cake. it was a very nice time :)

things have been a little crazy here as god and i have been spending a LOT of time together and learning more about eachother. well, i am learning more about him. he kinda already knows me. and he knows the desires of my heart...even if sometimes they change often. for the most part what i have wanted has remained consistent.

for of those of you that KNOW my story, sorry for repeating myself. for those of you that DONT....here ya go.

i mentioned in previous posts that i had to live in a nursing home and was in a wheelchair. it was horribly difficult for me. i only saw my son twice during that time frame and was emotionally not able to handle it easily. to say i was broken is a gross understatement.

i can admit to honestly losing my faith for awhile. pastor bj would come visit weekly...sometimes a few times a week. i had other visitors also which really encouraged me. but what i was needing was something from GOD promising me i would be ok.

my absolute favorite story in the Bible is that of noah. (hence noah's name.) the part i love about the story is that they used a white dove to scope out the situation. and that white dove brought back an olive branch. that olive branch was the sigh noah was looking for.

well, i asked god for my olive branch and got it in spades. here is the song that i wrote about the situation....i hope you love it.

god continues to bless me and has me on this majorly intense journey right now. when i can share more i will. i am practicing using my filter. and it kinda is making me more antsy. but the more antsy i get, the more i pray :)

my dreadlocks turned 14 months old on babe ruth's 116th birthday, bob marley's 66th birthday, the day my pastor announced he was being reappointed and a friend was being appointed ds AND superbowl sunday. oh yeah, and the song above debuted! it was a highly emotional day for me.

for those following my countdown...we're at t minus 10 days. good lord.

the days are getting longer which means winter is almost over...although in syracuse that means about may...haha.

in my mind i'm goin to........


Definition of BUTTERFLY

: any of numerous slender-bodied diurnal lepidopteran insects including one superfamily (Papilionoidea) with broad often brightly colored wings and usually another superfamily comprising the skippers
: something that resembles or suggests a butterfly; especially : a person chiefly occupied with the pursuit of pleasure
: a swimming stroke executed in a prone position by moving both arms in a circular motion while kicking both legs up and down
plural : a feeling of hollowness or queasiness caused especially by emotional or nervous tension or anxious anticipation
: a defensive move by a goalie in ice hockey executed by dropping to the knees while spreading the lower legs outward

(thankyou )

i have seen many #1, im not sure i truly understand #2, #3 i was never good at, #4 BINGO! I SAY BINGO! #5...who cares, its not about baseball. (lol)

i am 33 years old. i feel that i am loving and kind. i speak my mind...to the chagrin of some. i don't really have a filter. i'm not sure if the marshmellow man would be the first thing i thought of...harrison ford would probably be what was conjured. i am giving almost to a fault. i am not the best housekeeper and definitely not made to do dishes (yuck). i don't believe i was ever told "wow, you are the best at that". i was a solid B student in school...except for music and gym. my two favorite classes. straight 100's. i have the ability to think outside the box. i never really was a good follower. i never really was part of a clique. i could transcend barriers classmates put up...and still can today as an adult. most that meets me tell me about themselves completely within 30 min of meeting me. and 9 times outta 10 i share too. why not? honesty is always the best policy. i am not the prettiest or ugliest. i am not the skinniest nor the fattest. im not the tallest for being female nor am i the shortest. i am not poor although i am by no means rich where money is concerned.


i truly believe i have been in love once. however in doing a bit of research for this blog...i am realizing i really wasn't.

"love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love oes not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails." 1 corinthians 13:4-8a

honestly, i'm just SOOOOOOOOO glad that i have relationships with people that are THIS VERY WAY!

before i proceed with the though, i have to apologize that i haven't blogged in 2 weeks. my mind has been very preoccupied. it's taken me this long to get my thoughts into a neat circle. and again, i realize this isn't necessarily dreadlock related...but at the same time it really is.

i have dated plenty of men and have had my share of heartbreak. i am not sure i ever broke anyone's heart...was never told i had anyways.

see? i mean i seriously fly in the middle of all the radars except one. i am statistically very average. thank goodness i prefer to break stats.

the other night i was in a very fun conversation with a friend. we had been talking for about 45 minutes or so and i felt all of the sudden like i was going to puke. seeing as how we could see eachother, i knew i was busted. i would have to explain that i suddenly got sick to my stomach and had no idea why. i mean, it shocked my system so hard that i just needed a moment....4 minutes worth to be exact. i got really red and hot and just though whatever was in my stomach was surely gonna ruin my laptop...and someone else will see it happen.

after i regained composure...i still don't think i was 100% tuned into the conversation. i don't remember much of the rest of it anyways. not in the charlie brown way...but in a dream-like fashion.

i slept so terribly that night. my mind was racing. i never did throw up. and i felt totally fine.

except my heart was on FIRE. relax, not a literal fire. the warmth that was radiating out of that heart...gosh, i had to kick off my blankets.

i started thinking about my kid turning 11 in a few days and what needed to get done to pull off a birthday party. i started thinking about how much he's grown and learned. started reflecting on being pregnant with him.

it was like percy jackson threw the lightening bolt at me.

it was butterflies.

i DIDN'T have to get sick. i got BUTTERFLIES in my stomach! ahhhhhhahahahahahha!

for the first time in my entire life...a man gave me butterflies. (shoot in typin this i am getting them again! lol!!!!!)

(please note 5 min have passed)

ok, im composed now. sorry.

i have had this feeling before...and i always KNEW it to be a god thing. kinda like a v8 smack to the head...and much more loving and enjoyable. when i am prayin for guidance or wisdom and it hits me, i get this feeling. many of my prayers were answered from this feeling.

for the record i am SERIOUSLY experiencing #4.

thank you friends and family for loving me <3 we should share this love with everyone.

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Hey! Welcome to my BLOG! I am a sponsored dreadhead thanks to DREADHEADHQ! I am here to blog about my journey on being a dreadhead, mother, sister, daughter, nonnie and christian. I hope you enjoy the ride!