hey all :)

let's start at the beginning :)

i am a single mom and have the best kids in the world. well, technically only 1 kid but my heart accepts 1 more :) Noah is 10 and Leslie is almost 20. so anyways, i love them more than i ever though possible. they both make me laugh, cry, scream...being a mom is awesome!

5/12/07 i was deemed permanently disabled due to breaking my spine (3 times). i have had 3 surgeries (L5-S1 twice and C4567 once...that was the worst one!). ny has this law that if you miss 13 weeks of work for ANY reason, your job has the right to fire you. in august 2007 i got my letter firing me and telling me my insurance was going to end. wow, i was so upset! i loved my job! i had some pretty awesome bosses. i worked with mainly women so i learned really quickly to just ignore the drama they caused on a daily. i was financially stable and things were amazing. at this point, i had just started dating a man a few weeks prior and he stood by my 2nd surgery and helped me heal. i will always be greatful to him for that.

8/07 i had to have minor surgery due to cervical cancer. diagnosis came back that the cancer was clear to the borders and things started to get better for me.

10/07 had surgery C4567 and again, thanks to the man i was dating for being there for me and helping me get back on track. (that is about the last time you will hear me thank him.)

11/07 i attempted to rejoin the workforce. i got a job as a front desk person at a dr office. the office would not supply me the ergonomic items i needed to perform my job duties. i went back to the dr and they said, nope. no more work for you.

2/08 while waiting for my fiance (yep, he asked me to marry me him) to get home from work, i decided to take a bath and have dinner all ready so we could just spend time as a family. his favorite meal in the oven, i hopped in the bath. well, i knew i had been in the tub too long because i looked like a prune and had to replenish the hot water twice. i went to get out of the tub and fell. i fell to the point that my son (who was 8) had to call 911. the downstairs neighbor was the first responder. there i was completely naked and not able to get up. i had no feeling in my left leg. (there was previous nerve damage due to my L5-S1 surgeries...this was way worse.) i spent the week at the hospital and then 4 weeks (i think? i have blocked much of this.) at a NURSING HOME. i was 31 years old and called my 80 year old grandma on her birthday. cool right? WRONG. she was at HOME and i was in the NURSING HOME. irony? yep. and i dont like irony.

mid 3/08 i move into my first handicapped apartment with my son and fiance.

5/09 well, i got sick. still have no insurance because medicaid ended due to my income from SSD. once you are classified as permanently disabled, you have to wait TWO years before you can get medicare. i went to the hospital with abdominal pain and they discharged me. i went to see my ob/gyn and after running tests it was decided i needed a partial hystrectomy due to cancer.

5/8/09 this is my personal 9/11. i called my fiance, told him what was going on. he came home, took my car (my son was with my female parental unit) and went out and got completely drunk. we're talking 3 PITCHERS of yuengling. yep, it was bad. he got in my face and became violent with me. i threw him out.

5/9/09 my daughter leslie came over when i called her. i hesitated calling her as she and her husband of 1 year found out they were expecting (the cutest ever!) kain. she had me call the pastor of our church and i proceeded to go to the hospital. pastor linda met me there as did my cousin. now, let me tell you of my cousin. his name is sean. he worked security for the hospital. he blocked ALL visitors and calls except for people from my church. how amazing. he sat with me while i did my intake / triage and until pastor linda came to be with me for support. what i would do without leslie, sean and pastor linda? i have NO idea.

6/09 my finace has been arrested and spent 24 hours in jail. he now realizes we are over.

mid 6/09 i have a sonogram. cancer spread. no more talk of partial...now looking at full hystrectomy. keep in mind...im only 32.

6/23/09 i have surgery, its called a sucess and i instantly start menopause. since the house i was living in wasn't condusive to "no stairs", my dear friend, michelle, let me recover in her home. her kids would even argue over who could refill my water. the love i got from michelle and her family makes me tear up just thinking about.

7/09 staples and all, i attend grassroots festival in trumansburg, ny. i overdid it while hanging out with rusted root...well, mainly preach freedom...not really a good idea to have gone. but the music lifted my spirits as always!

8/09 i move into my new home where my ex cannot find me, i am safe and the home is ALREADY handicap access. and i can have a dog! that is the best news.

columbus day weekend, i head to www.shakorihills.org for another grassroots fest. i came down with swine flu WHILE CAMPING! that stunk. well, i came home and just felt awful. my back was killing me. i went to the hospital and they sent me to the surgeon's office. i went in and was stunned to hear they needed to opperate on the baseball sized tumor in my back. yep, it was CANCER! i healed all up and then 12/17/09 went in for yet again ANOTHER surgery. seriously folks, i need a room in my name or something!

now, i've been debating dreads for several years. when i found out the cancer was back...AGAIN...i figured its now or never. i went to my dear friend michelle and she helped me get dreads.

PLEASE NOTE....when i got them put in, it wasnt with dreadheadhq stuff. when the stuff i was using didnt work so well, i did a google search. guess who popped up everywhere? DREADHEADHQ! so i did further research and was so impressed by how laid back and easy they made it look. ok, so its not easy. its massive amounts of work. but SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth it!

12/6/09 my dreads were put in! they are just over 3 months old and look amazing. kudos to the DREADHEADHQ's own Jonny and Sloan for all their help, products. also, thanks to dustin and john for emergency help when i though for sure i failed making the dreads!

i am not telling you this story for pity, money or anyother reason other than PLEASE GET YOUR YEARLY CHECKUPS even if you have to self pay. most dr offices will help with payment plans, bill lower rates or even offer free tests. the american cancer society has been a plethura of knowledge and help.

next post...what i learned about myself while dreading.....pretty cool stuff!

peace, love and dreads,