according to, the defination of grace is as follows:

grace   [greys] Show IPA noun, verb,graced, grac·ing.
elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
favor or good will.
a manifestation of favor, esp. by a superior: It was only through the dean's grace that I wasn't expelled from school.
mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace.
favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.
an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against him or her or a penalty applied: The life insurance premium is due today, but we have 31 days' grace before the policy lapses. Compare grace period.
the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.
the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.
a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces.
Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.
moral strength: the grace to perform a duty.
a short prayer before or after a meal, in which a blessing is asked and thanks are given.
(usually initial capital letter) a formal title used in addressing or mentioning a duke, duchess, or archbishop, and formerly also a sovereign (usually prec. by your, his, etc.).
Graces, Classical Mythology. the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities and in Rome as the Gratiae.
Music. grace note.

i always go out of my way to help others. i am often referred to as an "idealist". i see potential in people and it hurts me when i dont see them reaching for it or doing things that negate what they stand for. i am often guilty of not reaching for my potential. of that i am completely sure. it occurs, more often than not, that i do so much for others that i neglect myself. not that i decide openly that i do not want to take care of myself, it just happens sometimes. i have a friend that i have been friends with for a very long time. this friend i will name joe as this isn't his real name...i don't want people knowing who he is. i am sharing this because the lesson i learned is too good NOT to share. so here goes.

joe has amazing talent. joe is NOT a go-getter and has an addictive personality. not that when you meet joe you are attracted like a magnet, more like things of addictive nature are difficult for him to say no to. alcohol, weed...etc. once joe gets going, he has a hard time stopping...if it is offered, he jumps at the chance to to participate and then, again, cannot stop. i have done everything i can to discourage joe's participation in this. to my knowledge, it has haulted almost completely. joe's self destructive path has cost him his children, his family home, his car and even his freedom. the irony, i have busted my bottom to help him correct these things only for him to screw them up again within a month. i had to set up boundaries and put some serious distance.


yesterday, while spending time with joe, someone came and brought me a gift. this gift came from a COMPLETE stranger. and it was full of things that i TOTALLY use on a daily and made with all vegetable products/essential oils. perfectly amazing. this person told me she felt she needed to. talk about blow me away.


today, while trying to pick up the last of the pieces so i can put as much distance and boundaries as possible in place so i can move on...i met this croatian woman. she is going to help me get things straightened around and then we are both backing away. joe states that he needs to get his life in order financially but cannot get a regular job. i state that its not that he cannot get a job, that he refuses to and refuses to do anything to make his situation better. joe leaves the house and sits outside and does what he always does when he doesnt want to deal with any reality. he pretends he is asleep. it gets me so mad that i can barely breathe. i have gone to such insane lengths to help joe out and it feels like a slap in the face that he REFUSES to do what he has to do.


this croatian woman is very intelligent and explains to me why joe will never change and why she has stepped away and why he is self destructive. she proceeds to tell me that she will gladly hold me accountable as i step away to where i feel comfortable. it reduces me to tears. i have NEVER met this woman before and yet, there she is pulling my heart strings to the point of tears. it made me realize that no matter what i would like for anyone, if THEY don't want to change, they arent going to. i am feeling such resolve from lots of prayer and talking to people and letting god's grace pour through me. i will gladly help people out however, it will be very different. and you all have joe to thank (as well as emily) for walking all over me.